I can’t stand this pain.

I look out the open door and see the ocean speeding by below us.  The pilot turns from the front and says landfall will be in less then 10 minutes.  The plane rattles and shakes around me as I check my gear.  I don’t have much, I’m afraid; we are supposed to be extracted in less then six hours.  My gun feels cold and heavy in my hands as I make sure every thing is in place.  My side arm, things I might need if we are stuck there more then a day, knife, flint.  Things like that are all strapped and secured.  Nothing will fall out in mid jump.

Except my heart maybe.  I know that it is still here, still beating, but I wonder if the pieces will fall through my chest on decent.  Thoughts of the relationship flash through my head even as I signal all ready.  I get up, my ‘chute heavy on my back.

           At least I’m not at home staring at the wall.  Even if I am the one that ended this; I still feel pain and sorrow.

            I try to put it all aside; my mates don’t need me flaking out at the last moment.  When battle comes I need to be ready and willing.

            I know I’ll be both; maybe I’ll go out in a blaze of glory.  Better to have stories told about me then to have my laundry aired to my parents and siblings.

            We jump and the wind whips against my face.  The mottled brown and green below me seems to come into focus a bit to fast.  I put my arms beside me; we can’t pull the chutes until the last moment.

            Her eyes are what I noticed first, then her smile. I wanted to love her forever. I wanted to hold her when she hurt and celebrate in her joy.  I wanted so much; to much maybe.

            The pull of the chute pulls my attention below me.  Up here it looks  like everything has already gone all the hell; I pull my rifle and prepare to quick release.  Landing I roll and shoot, taking out someone with vaguely oriental features down.  

            Putting thoughts of love and glory in the back of my mind I join the battle.  Better to run by instinct then let life intrude on another bloody excursion such as this.